A knock sounded on her door, and Sarah knew, without looking through the peephole, who it was. It could only be one person after all. With a heavy sigh of resignation, she set aside her unsigned request for transfer and walked over to open the door. She bit her lip as her senses absorbed every detail of him. Dammit, why did he have to make it so hard? Why couldn't he just accept things as they were? As they had to be?

She raised her dark eyes to his face and was almost knocked backward by the anguished rage she found in his gaze. Gripping the door for support, she murmured in a tired and sorrow-laden tone, "Harm..."

He shook his head and held up a hand. "No, you got your chance this afternoon. Now, it's my turn." Knowing it was only fair to hear him out, she nodded reluctantly and stepped back, allowing him to enter.  He turned back to face her as soon as he was inside. 

"What you said this afternoon...was this your way of getting back at me? I left six months ago and now you need to return the favor?" He was livid. She had no right to hurl those accusations at him. She had  been just as much of an emotional basket-case as he had when he'd left.  But even as part of his subconscious berated him with the truth of her words, another part continued to lash out at her, to try and hurt her as she had him. 

Knowing she deserved every bit of his attack, she still couldn't quell the stinging pain of his words. She bit her lower lip, desperate to keep it from trembling. Harm caught her slight movement and his anger  suddenly disappeared into the ether like the cooling mists of the morning. He spanned the small gap between them and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. She blinked back the tears that filled her eyes,  willing herself to hear him without breaking down, without giving into the feelings his mere presence conjured within her. 

At length he continued, "You're the first person I come to when I have a problem and the last person I would ever want to hurt." His hand fell from her shoulder and he stared at the ceiling in an effort to control  the emotions that roiled within him. 

"Earlier today...you were right. About all of it. I have been playing catch-up. A piece of me was finally put into place and I found out that I could go on with my life. I guess I thought that I could start over. I  finally buried my father and I realized that there was nothing in the past to cling to anymore. So I started wondering, what if?" He shrugged slightly, a helpless gesture.

"And maybe part of me <was> running...trying to put distance between us. When we were on that mountain and I looked back from the taiga, I saw you standing there. And I knew. You were my future. And it scared the hell out of me. There was now so much I wanted to do, for myself and no one else." He swallowed, hating himself for the wounded look in her eyes, a look that he was responsible for. 

"But what you don't realize, what I didn't even fathom until I'd left, is how much I need you." Harm cupped her jaw and dragged her lips to his. Fusing them together, he poured all of the rage and fear and  desire that coursed through him into the kiss. She had to know how much she meant to him. She grounded him. And he wouldn't let her leave him without a fight.

"Sarah, Sarah," he whispered as his lips brushed over her face. "We've been living lies. Both of us." He pulled back slightly to look her in the eyes, trying to gauge the effect of his words. "And if I let you go now, the lies will just go on." 

Unable to check them any longer, tears trailed down her cheeks and soaked his hands. Harm smiled softly, remembering the times when he'd wiped them away. But this time, he hesitated. Her expression spoke volumes. 

"I'm tired of living a lie, Harm," she murmured, licking the salty tears from her lips. "But you still haven't grown up. You still need time to find out who you are."

He traced the outline of her lower lip and whispered urgently, "But how can I find out who I am if the one person who knows me completely leaves?" Leaning down, he kissed away the tear marks on each of her cheeks. "I can't promise it'll happen over night. But as long as you're with me, I know it <will> happen." Harm pierced her with an intense stare willing her to say yes to his next words. "Will you help me, Sarah?"

She closed her eyes, trying to force her logical brain to the forefront, to not base her decision solely on her heart. But in the end, her heart was the only thing that mattered. 
 

END